


It's Like Serendipity Or Something

by cerise



Category: Veronica Mars (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-02-23
Updated: 2006-02-23
Packaged: 2017-10-17 11:17:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/176311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cerise/pseuds/cerise
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jackie and Veronica have a sleepover. Wacky all-dialogue hijinks ensue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Like Serendipity Or Something

"So. Veronica. I _know_ you're not busy this Saturday."

"Why, hello, Jackie. And you know this how?"

"Surveillance camera. Oh, don't look at me like that; I'm just messin' with your head. Please. Everybody knows since your boy took off, it's just you and your ignoble intentions toward the Hagen Daaz on the weekends."

"Gosh, am I really that transparent?"

"You really want an answer to that?"

"No. But since you asked: I am, in fact, not busy this weekend, but I favor Ben and Jerry's over Hagen Daaz. Why?"

"Well, I had a party I was gonna go to –"

"Not in the mood for a party this weekend, sorry."

"Don't worry. I wasn't gonna invite you."

"Ah. Right. How silly of me. Party didn't pan out, huh?"

"My date-slash-ride got the stomach flu. I just got the voicemail. There was so much over-sharing, it wasn't even funny."

"Let it always be said you really know how to pick the classy ones."

"Then I thought, maybe I could head over to my cousin's in Malibu."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Cousin, unfortunately, had other plans involving a minor rock star from the Czech Republic."

"So you find yourself friendless and alone. How unsettlingly unusual that must feel for you."

"Well, then in the midst of wallowing in self-pity, the solution came to me: Wallace is right."

"Right about... something in particular, or have you decided he's just generally omniscient?"

"Right about us."

"There's an 'us' now?"

"There's an 'us' now. There's even a 'we.' As in – we should do something this weekend."

"I see. Really scraping the bottom of the barrel here, are we?"

"Pretty much. Only problem is, I'm thinking my tastes in entertainment may be a little high-brow for you."

"Excuse me? I'll have you know, I have the entire season of _Project Runway_ TiVOed."

"That sounds promising. What do you usually do for fun?"

"I Google my enemies to try to dig up embarrassingly public information about them."

"Really? Hmmm. I can be over at five tomorrow."

"Huh. Sounds like a... Hmm. Plan? Yes. 'Plan' is the word I'm looking for.

"You better save me some of the Ben and Jerry's, is all I gotta say."

  
****

"Wow. I had no idea Madison Sinclair's extremely secret MySpace would be so..."

"Sparkly? Offensively pink?"

"Is that a photo montage of her own breasts?"

"Don't you love the fade effects?"

"Wait, let me see –"

"Jackie, I don't think you wanna – "

"... oh, noooo, she didn't!"

"She did... looks like she got you getting soaked at the fair on her camera phone, too."

"I am going to kick her scrawny -"

"Jackie, look. I wouldn't take it personally. Madison really and truly does hate everyone."

"How could I not take that personally? I don't even think Jennifer hates Angelina that much."

"I actually think, relative to the kinds of things she's saying about everyone else here, she might actually like you."

"Jesus. And you grew up with these bitches? How have you not lost your shit and gone on a killing spree yet?"

"Because Confucius say: revenge is a dish best served via mass e-mail."

  
****

  
"There are, like, _no_ decent men at Neptune High, have you noticed?"

"Oh, how I've noticed."

"And now that Wallace is all about the Poor Man's Hilary Duff –"

"Aww, are you going to pine now?"

"You - yes. I'm going to pine. _Anyway_ , you have nothing to say on this issue, missy. And quit hogging the popcorn."

"Here. Knock yourself out. But for the record, I'm the queen of romance gone awry. Trust me on this."

"Oh, please. You have a _surplus_ of hot men around you. If you dare complain about getting a date, the bitch-slapping might start, totally involuntarily."

"I have a surplus of hot men? What have I told you about smoking the crack again?"

"You do; problem is, you just don't want to do any of them. Oh, close your mouth, honey. It might catch flies."

"I just. _What_ men? There are no men! Do you see any men around here? Balding ones over forty don't count."

"Okay. For starters: Wallace."

"Ugh."

"Ugh? It's Wallace. No 'ugh'-ing allowed."

"Look. I empirically recognize that Wallace is a babe magnet, though if you ever tell him I said so, I can't be responsible for your ending up at the bottom of the river with cement shoes."

"Mm-hmm. I'm ready for the 'but' now."

"But I could never date Wallace. Just the words 'date Wallace' rolling off my tongue feel wrong. It'd be like... pseudo-incest. And our parents could get back together at any time, and then there's the possibility that it'd turn into actual incest."

"A convenient excuse."

"A misdemeanor. So Wallace is out."

"Okay, fine. Are we even watching this movie, by the way?"

"Of course not. But Vin Diesel sweating makes for fine background noise to mask any potential conversational awkwardness."

"Who knew. So what about Logan Echolls?"

"You can't be serious."

"Hey, I'd hit it."

"Fair warning: it hits back."

"I think I could handle him. Actually, I think you could, too, if you wanted to. And yet, no."

"Seriously, Jackie. I tried that route and it so didn't end well. I couldn't deal with the – with his – with him. I never could. Just. Some of the things that come out of his mouth..."

"Oh, whatever. That's when you turn into Greta Garbo in _Mata Hari._ DAHHHLING! DON'T SPEAK!"

"Yeah, I kinda think Logan is a permanent 'don't', sorry."

"See how you've worked all these guys so far? See? Okay. I've got one. Eli Navarro."

"What – Weevil?!"

"See, you even have a pet name for him. It must be love."

"It's his _gang name._ He was a gang leader? Remember?"

"Mmm. See, I like a man in authority."

"Jackie, are you not listening to me? Gang. Leader."

"So he's a little rough around the edges. He probably just needs a little extra encouragement. Point is: he's fine as hell."

"Wait a minute. You have a thing for _Weevil_?"

"I didn't say that. I just said he's hot. I'm merely stating the obvious. You have to admit... those eyelashes..."

"We're examining eyelashes now? I can't believe it. You like Weevil. Oh, _oh_ , I love the profound irony of my life so very much."

"Whatever. And also? You're evading. Don't think I haven't noticed."

"I am not – yes, Jackie. Weevil is an attractive guy."

"I knew it!"

"There is absolutely no need _whatsoever_ to sound quite that gleeful."

"There is so the need. Anyway, if you don't want him..."

"Ooooh. May _I_ sound gleeful yet?"

"You may not. So... does he have a girlfriend? I mean, I'm tough –"

"You're a badass. Work it. Throw down."

"Oh, no, honey, you should say things like that even less than normal people."

"Why? Are you suggesting I don't got the down-home flava?"

"Please. Just stop before you put an eye out."

"I'm sorry. Weevil. Eyelashes. Do go on."

"I was just _trying to say_ \- I'm tough, but I couldn't take a gang bitch."

"Well, then, I'm not so sure you and Weevil are meant to be."

"Hee! I'm so going to tell him you said that. "

"Greeeat. You can bond over feelings of hostile ambivalence toward me."

"It's such a conversation starter around here; you have no idea."

"I have him on speed dial, you know."

"Hey! Put that phone away right now! You wouldn't!"

"Why, maybe I already have! Hellooooo, Weevil? It's me. How are you this fine evening?"

"You are all thirty one flavors of dead."

"What? No, I don't want anything. Must you always be so cynical?"

"Oooh. He's cute _and_ he's sharp."

"Me? I'm having a sleepover. Isn't that girly and retro of me?... No, it's not Mac, it's – yes. There are other females that speak to me."

"That's liable to change _really_ soon."

"Shhh!... No, not you, Weevil. No, I'm not going to tell you what we're wearing. Who's over? Why, the notorious but beautiful Jackie Cook.... What's that?... Sucker for lost causes? Yeah, well, you know me."

"Excuse _you_!"

"So. Wanna come over?"

"Veronica!"

"SSSSSHHHHHH. What's that? We're watching something starring your boy Vin. Yes, we actually rented it of our own free will. Actually you know what? It was totally Jackie's idea! You both seem to have a soft spot for Vin. Isn't that a remarkable coincidence?"

"VERONICA. YOU'RE – YOU'RE _FIRED_."

"What? Oh, nothing, Jackie just said she was tired. Actually, I'm tired too. I might fall asleep at a totally opportune moment and everything. So you better hurry over."

"Death is far too good for you. I'm thinking: dismemberment first."

"No, no, don't worry. My dad's out on a case and probably won't be back till morning. You can totally have his parking space. Ten minutes? We'll pause Vin just for you, so you don't miss any cool explosions or women's bare asses. See? I know what you like. And bring some soda. We're running low. Bye!"

"...you are a bad person, Veronica Mars."

"I know that's just your way of saying 'thank you,' so – you're welcome."

"I cannot believe you. You're the one who picked the Vin movie!"

"I was? Gosh, I really _must_ be tired to forget a detail like that. But you can thank me later."

"So now I know it's true what they say: the depths of your evil truly know no limits. I'm almost impressed."

"Oh, Jackie. Flattery will get you everywhere."

"In case there's any doubt? I will _never_ forgive you for this. _Ever_."

"Oh, I don't know. I think we have the beginning of a beautiful friendship, don't you?"

"Hmmm. I think what you really mean is 'twisted and sadistic.'"

"Psh. Around these parts? Same difference."


End file.
